two years

It has been two years since I have written a blog post. Two years since I was sitting down to write about the loss of our son. Two years since the most heart wrenching, devastating time in my life. It’s been two years – which at times feels like an eternity, and other times feels like yesterday.

Two years later as I sit to write, I live in an entirely different part of the country, with different employment, a different house and different friends.  Just two years, and so much has changed.

Life can change in an instant or just slowly over time. Life is funny like that. Sometimes you feel like things are being thrown at you left and right while other times you feel like you’ve been waiting forever for something to happen. Either way, the constant is that change will occur, every time, no matter what.

I went back to read my last blog post before writing this, and boy was I a mess two years ago. I realize now, that when you are heartbroken you tend to ramble and be pretty emotional, go figure. It’s like going back to read a story written by a different person almost. All of the emotions and heartache still feel very much mine, but the story feels like it’s from someone else’s life. I couldn’t possibly have lost my son two years ago if you look at my life now. It’s just crazy how life can be redeemed over time. Two years and life is turning around and changing, it’s evolving.

Now as I write this I can hear my daughter giggle and see her trying to figure out how to get every tupperware out of the kitchen cabinet as fast as possible. Now, life is still messy but it’s also really beautiful. Two years ago I could not have pictured that life could be the way that it is now. Two years ago I had no idea that we would have a beautiful little girl, an amazing life, and so much more than we deserve.

Life will always change. The good, the bad, the messy and the beautiful. It will always be ever changing. No matter what you go through now, there will always be better days, more exciting days, less heartbreaking days. Jesus redeemed our story in just two years. There are always better days ahead.

It’s been two years and I am ready to write a whole new story.

This time, a story filled with coffee and sarcasm, with hope and fears. A story filled with our little girl, dirty diapers and more coffee. This time the story will be about how insanely awkward I am or how I really have no idea what I am doing as a mother. This time the storyline will be based on the redemption we have felt over these past two years, along with the daily mishaps of being a mom and wife. And if life decides to hit us with a ton of bricks again at some point, I will write about that too. This time the story will include anything and everything, the messy and the beautiful.

Maybe even an exploration of my love of Taylor Swift. So, there’s that.